Category: Poetry

Screenwriting, Storytelling, & Greek Mythology: Read, Recycle, Rape, Repeat & Jesus

Posted by – September 3, 2009

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It's good to be the Zeus.

There’s this series on the History Channel, called Clash of the Gods, I watch it, it’s quite fair. You can view some of it online here. The DVDs of season 1 go to Netflix in January.

I’ve watched every episode so far, and it’s renewed my interest in Greek mythology.

In the past, I’ve tried to gain some working knowledge of the myths, only to find the two common approaches to understanding these stories lacking.

You can one, just passively accept the drivel naturally in your own culture about the myths, it’s mostly from children’s storytellers, and you will end up with a version of the myth that is almost completely rewritten to draw attention away from the dirty parts… and it’s mostly dirty parts, as these stories are meant for adults.

Or you can take an academic approach, and you will quickly find that the myths change from place to place and from time period to time period.

This approach kills these myths as a dramatic story, and it becomes hard to see the greatness that they are.

But there’s another way, and I started to understand by watching the show on the History Channel.

Clash of the Gods presents one Greek god per one-hour episode, complete with a retelling of the god’s story. If maybe a little superficial, it at least presents the gods in the arch of a story and …

The best way to see these gods is in flight.

What I’ve learned is that after generations of telling these stories the plot points (turns, twists, whatever) are sharp.

The stories are absolutely complete; the characters are three dimensional, and ironically even the gods are very human.

But in order to see the perfection of these myths, you have to hear it as a story.

And after a good retelling of one of these stories, you will NEVER forget it.

It’s absolutely not a burden to grasp an understanding of Greek mythology.

If you can’t remember it, then you didn’t hear a storyteller tell it.

Drunken, horny, un-bathed fisherman sailing under a Greek sky 2500 years ago perfected these stories, they’re not highbrow, and quite good. I would forget anything with footnotes at first.

Some really great stories…

Zeus, Hades, Hercules, all the stories are phenomenal. Here are a few beats…

Cronus (Saturn, Zeus’ dad) was told that one of his kids would overthrow him, and so imprisoned his own children. Zeus was hidden away as a child by his mother and not subject to his father’s imprisonment. When the kid became a young man he decides to overthrow his dad. Zeus first frees his siblings and uses their combined efforts to defeat the father.

Afterwards, Zeus takes his brothers (two, both older) aside and talks about how the universe is to be split up between them. By rite, the inheritance should be passed on to the older brother, but Zeus has created quite a powerful coalition of different characters to defeat the father and has grown strong, so he asks that the brothers draw lots instead.

Zeus gets the longer straw and claims the heavens, the middle brother gets the middle straw and claims the oceans and the seas, his name is Poseidon.

The oldest brother the one that should have gotten everything draws the short lot, and well… his name is Hades and he gets the underworld.

But my favorite myth so far is Hercules, a man who was cursed by the heavens from birth, never got an even break; he took everything the universe could throw at him, and died undefeated.

The story of Hercules is pure Hemingway. It contains on absent father, a women scorned, a cruel world, and an undefeated man. It has to be in the top ten greatest stories ever created by mankind.

Hercules was Jesus Christ before Jesus Christ was Jesus Christ.

In fact, investigate for your self to see if he really wasn’t. Remember the entire bible, and more specifically the New Testament did an oscillation in Greek before being pushed out into the rest of the world.

Strange things happened at that time.

I shouldn’t get into it but it’s fascinating, in a storytellers’ sense, Paul most likely created (or embellished, give me a break people) the story of Jesus when we was in Greece.

Hercules was the ideal Greek man at the time. Things come together. Look at the story of Hercules and draw your own conclusion.

“Jesus, bro, I want those people back, dude”

– Christopher Walken as Hades

I was surprised to find so much influence of the Greek gods in the Bible; many editions use the words Hades (both name of the Greek underworld and it’s ruling god) and Tartarus (a torturous place in Hades).

In newer editions, for example the King James these words are just changed to “hell.”

But Jesus doesn’t originally go to “hell” to let everyone out, he goes to Hades. It’s significant.

Imagine being Greek and a foreign “god” (Jesus) coming to YOUR underworld and taking everyone to HIS heaven.

And pointblank in the book of Revelation, Jesus is supposed to come back and throw Hades (the god) into the lake of fire. Rev. 20:14

In different ways and for different reasons, later bible thumpers had to change the god Hades to “hell” or “death” in their version of the book.

Johnny Cash Taunts Hades

One ironic line of translation concerning Hades is somewhere in Revelations 6:6, when two words the King James bible counsel people wanted to translate as “hell” show up in the same sentence.

So they translate one as hell, and translate one as death, when one was really hell and the other was Hades as a god.

Hades is very much apart of the New Testament.

The particular line in question (very dramatic) appears in The Man Comes Around, the first song on Johnny Cash’s last album. It’s in the very last line of the song and Cash follows the King James’ translation.

All of this is new to me, and I was like wow, what is Jesus doing in Greek mythology, or what is Greek mythology doing in the Bible?

I’ve never cared before, about versions, or translations, I am not a person of the book, myself, but I enjoy a good story.

Obscuring the Greek

When Christianity got to Greece two thousand years ago, the Greek myths started to die, they began to be told less and less. People apparently preferred Christianity.

As great as the Greek myth stories are, I think Christianity won out because it’s more interactive; with its judgment schema it’s more engaging.

I appreciate Buddhism for the same reason.

What I’ve learned here is the study of storytelling absolutely has a place in religious studies.

And so we’re clear… Johnny Cash is in Heaven.

In the beginning there was the Word and the Word was with God and God was the Word – John 1:1

I don’t like all versions of the Greek myths. There are no definitive versions. There are inscriptions on temples, and there are plays written by playwrights and sometimes poets, but the works are always adapted for each presentation.

Hercules is one of my favorites, but I have found some prominent versions of the tale I think are terrible, including the version Herakles by Euripides from c. 416 BCE.

Euripides plays around with the timeline of the traditional myth and it doesn’t work for me, it loses one of its greater plot points, but it’s good to see that these stories are flexible and no one got upset when someone else spun it a little differently.

The worst version of Hercules I’ve discovered has to be…

I would call this version Pedophiles’ Delight.

I would call this version Pedophiles’ Delight.

In the traditional myth, Hercules is the product of rape, and he cuts his wife and children to pieces.

That can’t be in a Disney movie, so it isn’t. The story Disney created is about a boy separated from a loving family.

It’s awful, but adults don’t object when kids see it, and when you think about it, it really is all about the kids.

The Greeks thought so.

I want to live long enough to see Disney do a version of Hamlet.

That Old Time Religion

I remember reading a book about novel writing in which the author addressed the use of “borrowing” ideas or technique.

He simply said, “Shakespeare stole, are you better than Shakespeare?” It’s a good thought.

I’ve found a lot of good stuff in Greek mythology that I’m picking up with the five finger discount. I would recommend it to anyone, apparently Paul of Tarsus thought so.

And if it was good enough for Paul…

-J Roland Kelly

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Screenwriting, Songwriting, & Ramen Profitable Artistic Endeavors: Doing Anything Artistic? This is the future…

Posted by – July 15, 2009

Ramen_Profitable

There was a term that became popular in the business start-up scene six months ago… “ramen profitable.”

I like this term. I know first hand what it means.

Basically a business enterprise might find itself in a situation where it does make a profit, but only large enough to supply its founders with rent and basic food money.

I’ve lived on ramen noodles… I’ve turned white rice into a frienemy, after one failed entrepreneurial episode in my life I didn’t eat rice for a year.

This term “ramen profitable” has more connected with it than profit, the concept being that after a business gets this stage, it gives the creators time to quit their day jobs and try to grow the project.

What it really means is that the business model is working, but just not well enough for others to swoon over.

This goes hand-in-hand with this other concept growing on the start-up scene, that it now takes NO money to start a business.

A computer, housing & bandwidth are all things the average person has anyway. You might need web hosting and the short-term services of a web programmer from someplace like rentacoder.com, but this will come out of your personal entertainment budget…

I promise you, after starting some kind of entrepreneurial endeavor, you start to think about it like entertainment, and your budget for Star Wars figurines will drop to zero.

You will be pulled out of the chorus of Stars Wars figurine-buying suckers for the rest of your life.

Welcome to adulthood.

Overall what this new concept about being able to start a business with $0, is that it is cheaper, faster, better, more successful, this, that, and the other thing, to just try a business and see if it works than to bring in business “professionals” to create business plans, find funding, and this, that, and the other thing.

Okay, why am I writing about this?

I predict that the artistic mediums move towards this model.

In Ecuador, I saw a local kid traveling with a beat up Macbook, and he had created this really impressive, intricately edited video about his travels using the free iMovie software that came with Mac.

I was really impressed. I knew that iMovie could do this I just didn’t know anyone who spent that much time with iMovie before just moving up to Final Cut Pro.

At the same time I saw a video “professional,” who with a package of equipment that a few years ago probably cost $20,000 create a simply shot, simply edited video that should never have been made.

The local kid with iMovie was more talented.

But the ability to edit video in the simple style of Oscar winning films is now just a give-me.

Cameras are coming down in price, there exists point & shoot still cameras with the ability to capture video in HD, even if it’s not “True HD,” one day it will be.

Maybe one-day camera phones with capture in HD, and then what will be everyone’s excuse for not making films?

Soon the world will be a place where people who want to make films, will just make films.

No grant writing for documentaries, no more screenplay readers reading for films.

Soon it will be cheaper just to shoot a film, than pay a screenwriting guru to review your script.

I can only compare this to inroads that music has already made towards the future.

At one time there were songwriters, who wrote for big stars, these songwriters had crude home studios to “demo” a song, if the songwriter wrote a good song, the star sang it in a studio and made everyone a million bucks.

Now, the songwriter writes the song, records it in his home studio, and it’s finished. No, demoing, no big star, the equipment in his house is as good as a studio.

The songwriter sings it and everyone knows it. The end.

If we don’t like it because the singer isn’t pretty enough, well it’s left up to us to deal with our own prejudices… but with this added burden we can also get more authentic music.

Go Jonas Brothers Go!

But even filmmaking, one of the most complex, expensive of the composite arts is becoming almost free to make.

And that means that soon there will be artists in this medium that can reach the orbit of “ramen” profitability.

One local guy, filling one local theater, for one showing, of one local film, in which no one asks for their money back, could float said guy on a diet of ramen noodles for one year or the time until the completion of his next film.

Even if you are not starving, having had rich parents, and went to film school, the cost of filmmaking coming down is a good thing.

It means that the artistic lifestyle is more sustainable, and the chance of having a second film after your first is more plausible.

Sorry for my blogging hiatus, I was writing for real.

-      J Roland Kelly

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Macintosh Sales, Service, & Repair in Ecuador: Quito is a Mac Friendly Screenwriting Town

Posted by – February 1, 2009

old_apple_logo

I’m still in Quito, and recently my MacBook Pro failed to recharge. The problem was the Magsafe power adaptor, which by all accounts is the weak link in the Apple’s notebook line.

I read online that Magsafe Power Adaptors are so prone to failure that Apple is now replacing them free of charge at the genius bar in Apple stores.

Quito. Sh!t. The closest genius bar is in Miami. What’s a poor expat screenwriter to do?

Apple doesn’t even officially sell notebooks in South America. No hope. And yet… Enter Act III.

I remember seeing a pseudo Mac store at a Yuppie mall here by a movie theater called Cinemark. You’ll find it, just get in a taxi and say “Cinemark.” The official address:

MundoMac

Plaza de las Americas Local 6 exterior

Av. America Y NNUU

Tel: 3318472-3318490

www.mundomac.com.ec

Really over priced. The owner imports everything himself with tremendous mark up and then with the IVA tax here it pretty much is double the price.

The $75 dollar adaptor would have been $150. My Mac is under warranty so a guy at the store (Patricio) pointed me to a certified Apple repair place in Quito at:

AppTek

Republica 189 Y Diego de Almagro

Edificio El Triangulo Local 116

Quito – Ecuador

Tel:  593-2 290 9082 

I went there late on a Wednesday afternoon. The guy took some information from my computer and said come back Friday morning.

In 36 hours I had a new, completely free 85w Magsafe power adaptor.

Props to Apple’s worldwide warranty; jeers to Apple for selling an inferior and faulty product. Most of the computers I see tourists carrying around are now Macbooks.

As Apple fills more and more niche markets worldwide with notebooks they need to step it up.

Otherwise plan B for me was to take the broken power adapter to the broken TV store on my street and make hand signs for soldering iron.

F that.

-J Roland Kelly

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Songwriting & Indie Music: J Roland Kelly Marshals Against Karl Rove is released

Posted by – January 20, 2009

Today is the last possible day (and the safest) to release a political charged song about the Bush administration, while still technically under the Bush administration.

So, I give you… J Roland Kelly Marshals Against Karl Rove.

I’m not sure who would argue that there’s been any good political music about the chaos of the last eight years, so I thought I would try my hand.

And over the last few months, I’ve written a number of blog posts about the new use of Audio to MIDI in independent music, and I was anxious for a chance to apply what I learned.

This is my first song released as a single, and I’ve been curious to experiment with the single format.

Anyway, enjoy, and good luck to the United States and the new President.

- J Roland Kelly

P.S. You can buy J Roland Kelly Marshals Against Karl Rove here.

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Screenwriting, Filmmaking, Storytelling & Life: The Hypocrisy of Film, How to Tell a Violent Story, & Why Never to Save an Attorney in Film, Plus J Roland Kelly Calls For the Resignation of James Bond and Batman

Posted by – January 12, 2009

James Bond

The hypocrisy of film works like this… in an epic for example… a peaceful society… suddenly gets attacked by an evil society (usually one-dimensional evil society).

We as an audience always follow a group of people from the peaceful society who chose to fight the evil society; this is Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Beowulf, etc.

Why this format? Well, we as human beings want to live vicariously through a story full of action (read violence), but we have to rationalize this by adding black and white elements… The good guys are always the one-dimensional peaceful guys (who don’t want to fight, but you know, have to), the bad guys aren’t.

This makes it possible to enjoy a violent story. If the story were about the bad guys or simply two hours of people attacking each other, only a few of the odder people out there could stomach it.

The hypocrisy is that the reason why we are in the theater at all is because we like violence. That’s just how it works; another example…

I remember seeing a movie poster for a documentary about the Asian sex slave trade. The poster was of a scantily clad Asian girl chained in the corner of a room.

HOT!

That’s entertainment (hypocrisy)! Who doesn’t want a sex slave?

You show me a scantily clad Asian girl in chains, and depending on my current level of self-esteem, I’ll show you the price of admission.

What makes all this hot subject matter possible in mixed company is by putting it in the context of a documentary about white slavery.

It is just drama; pure hypocrisy.

The black and white elements need to be present, for the story to be stomach-able.

I have noticed recently that Hollywood is “f”ing this up, a la the new James Bond, Quantum of Solace and the newest Batman, The Dark Knight.

Hollywood in an attempt to address complicated modern times (George W. Bush’s mess) is trying to soften the black & white (good & evil) elements needed in violent storytelling.

The story then falls apart.

I like Hollywood because with MOST multi-million dollar stories, at least 100 really talented storytellers look at the story from 100 different angles and fix it.

James Bond and Batman fail.

In Quantum of Solace, James Bond is presented with an elder retired spy who tells James how difficult it is sometimes to know the difference between the good guys and the bad guys.

Then that spy is killed leaving James… the archetype of the grim fighting hero whose troubles are always private.

This is bullsh!t. James Bond can’t drive from point A to point B without causing four fatalities. You put him in a gray world and he is a common murder.

In the film, I think it’s telling that they have to make the Latin American dictator a rapist. It makes no sense in the grand scheme of the film, but otherwise the audience would feel bad him when James Bond’s chicky kills him.

He’s just a pawn in a game, and why am I watching a story about an entire spy network needed to take down one South American rapist?

I hate James Bond. I present him as the character, who has had the most negative impact in the real world.

Spy networks don’t work. Spy vs. spy doesn’t work. Fcuk the CIA. Worldwide Intelligence in real life is a fraud.

James Bond is a throw back to the Cold War and needs to be retired. Modern world politics has moved on, and James Bond is a liability.

I resent most, the people in power, who think James Bond is real i.e. effeminate males trying to play him, such as Henry Kissinger, Donald Rumsfeld, George W., etc.

James Bond your services are no longer needed. Bugger off.

The thesis of this entire rant is that the black & white elements of storytelling need to be present for violent (action) stories.

Batman: The Dark Knight was also a story that fell apart when they storytellers went from black & white to grey.

In the film, the Joker gives Batman a choice between saving his love interest, or the prosecuting attorney in Gotham for all the bad guys.

Batman chooses the lawyer (never save a lawyer), the girl dies, the lawyer goes on a killing spree because his love interest was the same dead girl, then Batman takes the heat for the prosecuting attorney and goes into a hunted exile, because he believes that Gotham needs to believe that the prosecuting attorney was a hero.

Damn, who is this self sacrificing Jesus who won’t die? They call him Batman.

If Batman just chose to save his girlfriend (never save a lawyer) then the prosecuting attorney would have died a hero’s death, and all of this could have been avoided. Or, he could have simply told the truth and got credit for the capturing the Joker.

This is a terrible story. The irony is not lost on me that The Dark Knight has been one of the more financially successful Batman films, do to the untimely death of Heath Ledger.

Still, it is bad storytelling.

Hollywood, lately feels it can violate 3000 years of storytelling structure because of the political failure of one presidential administration. It can’t.

Hollywood, recognize.

-J Roland Kelly

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