INT. J ROLAND KELLY - NIGHT

The average pay is $150 per month. You’re in a $5 room. Everything is still. It’s 10 pm. Ta-Da. The MacBook Pro starts up.

No. Hell No.

I couldn’t find a way to turn off the start-up sound on my Mac without installing this program: StartupSound.prefPane.

There was some question as to if it would work on a modern Intel MacBook. I had no trouble. I don’t know why this isn’t just built into the operating system, except Steve Jobs is an arrogant son of a bitch.

Ta-Da… Come steal my laptop.

The majority of laptops I’ve seen of travelers are Macs.

Because of the Jobs & Pixar connection Wall-E (in the distant future) starts up with that Ta-Da sound. I don’t want to hear that sound past 2012.

Steve Jobs you’ve been warned. Watch it, buddy.

-J Roland Kelly

I always thought this was funny because it plays on a screenwriter’s greatest fear.

Just ask a screenwriter who’s been holed-up working on a project for the last several weeks about their screenplay and then put the fear of God into them; the more ridiculous the better.

What are you working on?
…a story about werewolves in the city of Atlantis.
Ahh… dude… it’s already in post-production… it’s coming out next summer with Will Smith.

What are you working on?
… an American antebellum saga about sea monsters attacking clipper ships and bringing the tea trade to a halt.
Ahh… dude… it’s already in post-production… it’s coming out next summer with Will Smith.

What are you working on?
Golden Girls: the Movie.
Ahh… dude…

It was a lot funnier before Will Smith bombed last year with I Am Legend.

The numbers aren’t in for his summer release this year, but Hancock seems strong, against WALL-E. I have seen neither. I’m working on the pre-civil war sea monster bringing the American tea trade to a halt flick, and I’ve been at it for weeks.

Happy Independence Day

-J Roland Kelly